Hail To The Deadskins

I always wonder about hanging questions. You know, those vexing mysteries that just seem to float in space like giant pink zeppelins nobody seems to notice.

The TV show Lost has taken this art to new heights. Nobody demands (or receives) a direct answer to a direct question. Put me on the ground with a gun and five minutes with puppet master Ben, and I’ll get some answers. Case closed.

Back in the pseudo-reality of sports, we have an even more perplexing saga that goes by the name Adam “Pacman” Jones. Sports media types have been frantically reporting about the “impending” trade between the Titans and Cowboys. But it took weeks for anyone to even ask the question, “Will Pacman be reinstated?”

Only in the last few days have reporters worked their way back to square one. But of course, there’s an even bigger question nobody in the media seems interested in discussing: “How dumb is Pacman?”

See, this whole tempest was stirred up when Jones went on Mike Irvin’s Dallas-area radio show to talk about how reformed he is. Then we were told Jones’ application for reinstatement would soon be filed with league office. Then his one-year suspension expired and the lawyer promised to file the application April 15.

That day came and went, and now Pacman is saying he’s going to wait for the trade before applying for reinstatement. Um, yeah. Well, uh…WHAT?

Here’s how a mildly rational person attempts to rejoin a profession that can pay him tens of millions of dollars in a few years: Lawyer/agent calls NFL and sets appoint for Pacman to meet with Commissioner Goodell the day the suspension ends. Adam arrives for meeting in a suit (after an evening of not attending strip clubs), looks ole Rog in the eye and hands him a thick manila folder with the reinstatement application and lengthy laundry list of charitable activities he’s participated in over past year.

Then it’s off to Dallas for Celebrity Rehab, courtesy of No. 88.

Back in pseudo-reality, Pacman’s return has been about as well orchestrated as a free-agent signing by the Deadskins front office. Dude’s had a whole year to contemplate his return to the NFL, and this is the best he can do? And what about his advisors? Isn’t your client most marketable after he’s been reinstated? Are you guys really this stupid? Really? Anyone? Bueller?

Comments(9)

Get Over Your Pacman Jones: Jonesin’ for Pacman? Cut it out. He could help, but the core of this team is set. Thankfully.

To paraphrase the King (Peter, not Elvis…or Jesus, for that matter), here are two things I think I think: The Dallas Cowboys could very well be a better team this year with a worse regular season record. And, it’s all about injuries, or (hopefully) the lack thereof.

Pacman, D-Mac, the draft, trading for Roy/Chad/Anquan and all the other hot topic issues this offseason are little more than distractions. Winning in ‘08 is about the guys already on the roster. And I like our chances.

The offseason’s most important move: Getting with the Flo. Our own Load Left offered the best headline suggestion for the re-signing of Flozell “The Hotel” Adams: “Hotel Booked For Extended Stay.” Nice. As much as a six-year deal at $43M for a 32-year-old scares me, it’s probably market value. Maybe a little below. And if you feel the Cowboys have almost all the pieces in place (and I happen to believe that), then this is no time to be messing around with possible solutions at LT.

Other than Flo, the Boys have been pretty quiet, which seems appropriate considering the stupid deals stupid teams have been giving to stupid players.

But if you want to talk draft and are dead set on a back, forget Darren McFadden. I give you Jonathan Stewart. He. Is. Fo real, yo.

And let’s not forget what happened the last time the Boys drafted a halfback from Oregon. Not too shabby.

Comments(3)

Everybody Keeps Up With This Jones: What happened, Julius? We so wanted you to be great. Let’s hope you wake up and smell the coffee in Seattle.

The Juice is loose. The once-promising career of Dallas Cowboys running back Julius Jones is now over, as JJ has signed a deal with the Seattle Seahawks.

So what do I tell my son, who insisted on a Julius Jones jersey when last we were in Dallas visiting the pro shop? Here are some possible uses for an unwanted jersey bearing the name and number of an unwanted running back:

» Tape over “Jones” with “Sanders.”

» Wear it inside out. Just like all the cool kids do, yo.

» Might look good on the dog.

» Save as collector’s item. Could be worth something when Jones goes on to a Hall of Fame career in Seattle. Uh, what am I smoking? Why do you ask?

»Give as handme down to six-year-old sister who isn’t exactly up-to-speed on all the latest free agent moves.

Or my personal fave:

» Soak it in sweat, fly to Miami and throw it in Bill Parcells’ face.

Comments(5)

It’s A Jungle, Jim: “What’s that? Beware pocket-sized owners with unwavering allegiances to guys named Vinny? Not sure I can remember all that.”

New Deadskins head coach Jim Zorn didn’t famously flub the team’s colors when he mentioned “maroon & black” during his opening press conference. He was merely commenting on the state of the franchise. (rim shot)

Seriously, Danny boy hires an unproven QB coach as his OC, then inexplicably promotes him to the top job. Is he dead set on being a more aggressive and less successful version of Jerry Jones, or what?

On another note… They. Must. Be. Giants. I haven’t gotten around to giving them props, but the Jints earned it. Still throw up a little in my mouth when I think about how the Boys let a great season get away. Oh well. At least Mike Strahan says Dallas was the “best team we played.” Small consolation, though.

Onward.

Comments(4)

Nobody Likes Change: Will this man be at the helm of the NFC East’s fourth-place team in 2008?

What exactly is Dan Snyder thinking? Let’s see, your team authors a late season rally with oxygen-depriving defensive play and efficient, mistake-free offensive production. The entire organization bonds following the murder of one of your marquee players. Unexpectedly, your Hall of Fame coach retires, the only blow to your team’s significant momentum.

Instead of bringing in your accomplished defensive coordinator and front-runner in the locker room for a handshake, you run through a lengthy and bizarre interview process that now points to Jim Fassel as head coach, Rex Ryan as defensive coordinator and Jim Zorn as OC. Seriously? Oh yeah, I neglected to mention that Vinny Cerrato got a phat promotion. Stop laughing.

I love the post on the Hogs Haven blog titled You Should Be Losing More Sleep. Is it too early for Snyder to start trading away draft picks? I’m just saying.

Hail to the Deadskins indeed.

PRESS BENCH

Bludgeon Riffola: On a completely unrelated note, the next Bond film is titled Quantum of Solace. Could they have picked a name that sounds more like a mouthful of marbles? And what does that mean? Why not call it “Mumble of Jumble”?

Comments(4)

Train Kept A Rollin’ The Red Ball Express carries on.

Dallas got its first piece of good news since we learned T.O. would play in an ultimately futile effort to beat the Giants. Jason Garrett is staying. But there’s still some work to do with the rest of the coaching staff,

Not that any of it really matters, when we realize who’s really pulling the strings that ended the Cowboys’ season.

Funny piece, and perfectly illustrates how ridiculous all the “distraction” talk is. People want to know why the No. 1 seed lost in the first round? I’ll tell you: Jacques Reeves giving up 66 of 71 yards on a 58-second TD drive before the half. A field goal instead of seven after the half. Two drops and a hesitation by Patrick Crayton. Inability to handle the blitz in the second half. I could go on, but the list will never include she-who-must-not-be-named.

Comments(8)

All Over But The Crying: Dallas lost.

Not much to say on this one. The offensive line got owned in the second half by Strahan and company. Three offsides and a personal foul. Jacques Reeves is a poor excuse for a serviceable defensive back. And Patrick Crayton played terribly.

That’s all I got.

PRESS BENCH

Welcome Back: This was well deserved.

Fair Well: The Jints were apparently giddy to learn that T.O. cried in the post game presser. Personally, I’m glad to see him defend his QB.

Comments(4)

Adams Family Rules: If the Cowboys are to beat the Jints, the Flozell Adams-led offensive line must contain arguably the best defensive line in the game.

Trench warfare. That’s what Sunday’s game will come down to. All the talk about T.O. (never mind the gaping silence about Sam Madison being out), Yoko Romo, Terry Glenn and Eli Manning overlooks a simple truth of football. Whichever team plays best up front will likely win.

Call me a homer, but I don’t think I’m reaching to say the Cowboys have the advantage on both sides of the ball. Here’s an interesting take from SI’s Dr. Z. on the play of someone who rarely gets much pub: Cowboys left tackle Flozell Adams.

Comments(3)

Mr. Jones And Me: Have I written this post before? Get off Jerry Jones’ back.

Reading the blog postings of the Cowboys Nation the last week or so is a journey through scorched, hostile terrain where only the burning funeral pyres of the Cowboys’ fortunes light the way. The idea seems to be that with Ireland, Sparano, Gaines and possibly more leaving the nest, Jerry’s going back to his old ways and will ruin the team.

Sounds familiar. Didn’t everyone wait breathlessly for the other shoe to drop when Jones hired Parcells? Still waiting for that relationship to turn sour. Didn’t everyone say Jones was up to old tricks in signing T.O., who would destroy the locker room? Hmm. Wasn’t there a strong feeling that the hiring of Wade was merely the installation of another Jones yes-man and several Campo-esque seasons were before us. Yeah, 13-3, so I’m thinking not so much.

Jerry Jones is a lot of things, but you’re drawing your intelligence into question if you doubt his smarts, or his desire to see the Cowboys win. Furthermore, he’s more than proven a willingness to learn from his mistakes. So what more do you people want? Bright, adaptable, and will do just about anything (and spend like a drunken sailor) to win. How many NFL fans would gladly trade owners with the Cowboys? More than half, I’d bet.

PRESS BENCH

General Managed: The NFL defines a GM as having “final say” regarding hiring of coaches and players. As suspected, Ireland looks to be doing Big Bill’s bidding. Whatever. You don’t want to keep a guy from a bigger job, even if it’s not by the NFL book.

Jason The Dream: With Sparano all but gone, we have to keep Jason Garrett.

Three’s Company: Now for the game: Can the Cowboys sweep the Jints? Look for my prediction later in the week.

Comments(5)