Can I Get A Witless?
I always wonder about hanging questions. You know, those vexing mysteries that just seem to float in space like giant pink zeppelins nobody seems to notice.
The TV show Lost has taken this art to new heights. Nobody demands (or receives) a direct answer to a direct question. Put me on the ground with a gun and five minutes with puppet master Ben, and I’ll get some answers. Case closed.

Back in the pseudo-reality of sports, we have an even more perplexing saga that goes by the name Adam “Pacman” Jones. Sports media types have been frantically reporting about the “impending” trade between the Titans and Cowboys. But it took weeks for anyone to even ask the question, “Will Pacman be reinstated?”
Only in the last few days have reporters worked their way back to square one. But of course, there’s an even bigger question nobody in the media seems interested in discussing: “How dumb is Pacman?”
See, this whole tempest was stirred up when Jones went on Mike Irvin’s Dallas-area radio show to talk about how reformed he is. Then we were told Jones’ application for reinstatement would soon be filed with league office. Then his one-year suspension expired and the lawyer promised to file the application April 15.
That day came and went, and now Pacman is saying he’s going to wait for the trade before applying for reinstatement. Um, yeah. Well, uh…WHAT?
Here’s how a mildly rational person attempts to rejoin a profession that can pay him tens of millions of dollars in a few years: Lawyer/agent calls NFL and sets appoint for Pacman to meet with Commissioner Goodell the day the suspension ends. Adam arrives for meeting in a suit (after an evening of not attending strip clubs), looks ole Rog in the eye and hands him a thick manila folder with the reinstatement application and lengthy laundry list of charitable activities he’s participated in over past year.
Then it’s off to Dallas for Celebrity Rehab, courtesy of No. 88.
Back in pseudo-reality, Pacman’s return has been about as well orchestrated as a free-agent signing by the Deadskins front office. Dude’s had a whole year to contemplate his return to the NFL, and this is the best he can do? And what about his advisors? Isn’t your client most marketable after he’s been reinstated? Are you guys really this stupid? Really? Anyone? Bueller?

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